It was Memorial Day in 2005. I was downtown at a used bookstore where I found a book titled “Psychotherapy and Religion.” It was like the book was calling to me. So I picked it up off the shelf and decided to buy it. I took it home to my apartment and sat on the couch and started reading. I only got through a few pages before I had an epiphany. “What if I tried an experiment?” I nervously thought… “What if I treated God as an impersonal being, just for one day? This might help me stop praying so much….” So I decided I would do it. But first, I prayed to God that He would forgive me for what I was doing. Then my experiment began. I was surprised that it actually helped! So much so that I wanted to continue doing it! So I prayed to God again the next day that He would forgive me for continuing my experiment and that His will would be done in the end. I also prayed that He would protect me during the experiment. This “experiment” became known as my spiritual quest. I started checking out books from the library about different religions and philosophies, and I even started chatting online and dating non-Christians! These are things I hadn’t allowed myself to do before as a Christian. It was so exciting! I felt free from the heavy shackles of my legalistic faith. Of course, my Christian friends were very concerned about me, but not my agnostic roommate from China. She was amazed by all my changes and thought it was wonderful! I was coming out of my shell and starting to think for myself for the first time in a long time.
[See "My Back Story" for an explanation of my Scrupulosity / religious OCD experiences.]
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