"Wrestling with God"

I had just finished practicing in my piano professor’s office. I put my head down on the piano and sighed. “Why God, why now?” I had just reached my musical peak in both piano and trumpet as a Music Therapy major in college. It was the beginning of my Junior year and I had been nominated for the Honors Recital for piano. Why would God want me to change my major to Religious Studies now? But I felt a strong pull in that direction. It was a calling I couldn’t deny. I felt as though God wanted me to become a missionary. And in order for me to have the proper training, I should major in Religious Studies, albeit at a secular college. That way my faith would be tested by counterarguments and I would learn about the world religions as well. It was such a tough decision though, because I loved Music Therapy and felt that it fit me really well. But deep down I knew what I had to do. 

So early on in the Fall of my Junior year I made the switch. I kept a minor in music, which allowed me to keep music in my life for a little while longer, but after those classes ended music also ended, for many years. I regret that – the loss of music in my life, for it was healing in ways I didn’t realize until later. Sometimes I also regret not finishing my degree in Music Therapy, but switching to Religious Studies also brought other things into my life…. A Chinese language and culture program where I went to China on a study abroad was one of those things, and it deeply impacted me and my future trajectory. It is part of the reason I decided to study Teaching English as a Second Language later on. And now I’m doing a doctoral program where I have managed to incorporate my love for the arts and peacebuilding and healing into my dissertation topic. So, life has a way of working things out, even though I’m still not sure what that “calling” was all about in college. Was it truly “God?” I’ll never really know. But I do know that the path we follow tends to take the necessary twists and turns we need it to at the right times, even when we don’t understand it. At least, that is what I choose to believe. :)